Open Letter to the Deer in Minnesota that Hit my Car
To the Deer in Minnesota that hit my car,
I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself, because you ran away so fast, but I’m the person who was driving by Brainerd, Minnesota in the red SUV that you smacked into. Yeah, that car. I didn’t see your face so I’m not sure I’d be able to pick you out in a crowd of other deer, but I did hear you and I have a nice butt imprint of your body on my car.
Just wanted to check and make sure you were ok. Maybe even learn a little bit about “why” you picked me.
- Was it something I wrote about that you were offended by?
- ️ Did I say something on the radio that just hit you the wrong way and you felt like physically attacking me?
- Maybe my kids did something to your offspring that I’m not aware of? Truly I try to raise those kiddos up right and I have been with them 100% of the time since this whole pandemic started but...maybe they sent an e-mail your way I’m not aware of.
- Did you hit my car because you are mad at us humans? We gave you these special crossing areas but you don’t seem to be using them very well. Quite a few of your relatives are just jumping right in front of cars left and right...a few that I’ve seen with my own eyes. In fact, one of your relatives hit another one of our cars and tore the antenna right out. Oh...maybe it is something I said on the radio?
- Is it the whole "hunting" thing? I mean, I get it, but trust me, blaze orange is NOT my color.
I’m slowly putting the pieces together but just a fyi...there’s a guy named Jake who may want to chat with you. If you end up having a one-on-one meeting, or maybe some Zoom conference call, it might look like he works at Target but that’s the old Target look. State Farm took over the khaki’s and red shirt uniform and, well, some are saying he sounds hideous. Never met him. Can’t tell ya. He’s just my insurance dude.
Sincerely, Jessica On The Radio
P.S. Do you remember the two bikes on the back of my SUV? Just a heads up, not only can you put some serious dents in cars but you can also bend rims on bikes. Maybe add that to your resume because that is something I’ve never seen before and the bike dudes I chatted with were pretty impressed also. But, if you need pics to prove it to someone for a future career, here you go.
P.P.S. And just in case you aren't already listening - join me weekdays from 6 am until 10 am on Y105FM's Early Morning Show with James Rabe and Jessica Williams.